Today marks the 7th anniversary of my grandmother’s passing so it’s bittersweet. My grandmother was a sweet, sassy and small Sicilian woman, all of 5 foot, who made her mark in this world by standing up, for her beliefs in God and taking no prisoners with men. The family joke was that she buried both of them under her house and boiled her 2nd husband’s bones for stew. Savage, right? Luckily, that wasn’t the case and she was a widow after her second husband died. To be honest, she booted his ass off to Italy where he died a fast painful death. She was a Christian woman with a bible close to her but she also had a handkerchief, large pots and a wicked sense of humor not to be messed with.
Ironically, this small woman wore the tinniest shoes that were Keds and she lined them up in her front entryway like she was tin the military. They were shined often and never a scuff mark on them. Both her house and herself were always clean and impeccably dressed. I understand why at the end of her life she never matched her clothes in the winter. I would walk into plaid flannel pants with two layers of sweaters on that were polka dots. She was so cold that she just took what she could find a layered herself like a human Onion Blossom. Recently, this past winter I did the same and thought, well this is the first step to becoming old and my grandmother gave me strict order before her death which were profound. She said, “Never got Old”. That was deep. I felt those words since I could understand the words coming out of her mouth! I promised her that and will link you to my fountain of youth Olay Serum’s I use. Grandma loved Nozema and if I ever smell that I know she is still around me.
She lived in a 2 Family Home which my Uncle built and did all the masonry for. Her brother and sister-n-law lived downstairs and the backyard was a lot so big that they both planted a garden that was like a corn maze. My cousin and I would go out there to play and gather up the tomatoes, cucumbers and herbs they grew. I was like a human Pac-Man in her backyard and as a reward a tomato salad with fresh basil was always made by my Aunt or my grandmother. My Aunt is and still is one of the best cooks around A front door and indoor patio separated their living space.
Grandma lived on the 2nd Floor and had a cute apartment with 5 rooms that included a large living room with built in bookcases and rugs. This was the room that was most lived in and the where her huge TV was. She would “AshineA” everything that she could get her hands on. Her dark coral color rug, sage green floral custom made curtain and a low round glass table was were she lived her life and where I got to spend most of my time with her; hearing her stories and seeing her pictures from her youth. The ironic thing was I only got to connect to my grandmother when she got sick since she slowed down and stopped cleaning so much. She loved to clean and cleaned so much despite her Rheumatoid Arthritis that she once waxed a brand new lock to her front door so much it had to be replaced-THE SAME DAY IT WAS REPLACED. My brother in law, who installed that lock, did a great job dealing with her insanity of cleanliness but that story was one of the funniest.
She spoke broken English kinda like a broken down car. She made words up and mostly we understood her with her hand gestures and by taking off a vowel at the end of what she was saying. It was like reverse wheel of fortune. For instance, my name is Ruth but she called me ARuthie. In school, I learned Spanish and at her home I learned broken Italian. Sometimes when she was so mad she would actually speak all in Italian, then laugh and say, “ARuthie, you understandA whatA sayA.” My response was no grandma I don’t understand what your saying but I understand all the mean offensive hand gestures your giving me.
The last 10 years of her life we got very close. She was diagnosed with Dementia at age 89 and never forgot my name once. See, God works miracles. I was her favorite grandchild since I was the single one so I could spare the time for her. She relied on me for small things like getting her over the counter medications and help around her house. If I came straight from work and was dressed up she knew I wasn’t going to do her hard labor she had planned for me so I made sure to visit her more often in my gym clothes if she wanted me to Vacuum. I was always tired myself but when grandma asks you for something she always said, “Agetta my purse Aruthie, I gotta someA money for youA”. OK, she knew how to play me like a finely tuned piano. She played me in “G” Major not minor. One day I came in after she had fallen so I was being overly concerned how she used her new walker around the house. She poo poo’d me and said oh she was fine. I knew she wanted something since she said, “Oh, ARuthie, you loosA Weight?”. I had lost weight weight but that was code for I’m going to make you lose more cleaning my house. I quickly told her that I could help her clean on the weekends. So that night it was dark early and she had a carpeted staircase that was about 15 steps and then 3 steps until the porch landing. I always worried about her falling. So that night I was wearing my 5″ slingback Guess black patent leather shoes which I could run in and she gave me a face and said, “OK, be a careful, I dontA wantA you to fall down like I fellA down with a sinister grin”. I’m going to close the light and lock the door as soon as you leave, she yelled down and I started my dissent down the long carpeted staircase. The light switch was in her hands on TOP of the stairs and there were no light on in the Porch. So I walked down all 15 stairs, got to the landing and hear her lockA the door, as she would say, and “close” the light. Were Italians, we don’t shut lights we close them. So there was complete darkness. I took one step then missed 3 steps and feel. BAM….I was down like a ton of bricks; but my shoes were intact; gotta love a good tight sling back. My aunt heard me from downstairs, put the lights on and I made my way out limping. I was like, son of a bitch, she falls and then shuts the lights on me. That was the last time I wore heels to my grandmother’s house. I learned a very valuable lesson. Don’t wear heels to grandma’s house or else you will be the heel in the story. So, i’m sure she is looking down on heaven at my closet adorned with fancy shoes that I’ve collected over the past few years and is laughing at me.
Which leads me into my new favorite Jessica Simpson heels which are so bright and blue they would make anyone smile. Never curse a person by saying what my grandmother said to me which is, “DontA you TinkA those shoes are too AhighA”. The higher the heel, the higher to God, right Grandma? Touche!
So here is my affiliate link to my new favorite shoes that will always remind me of my fall at my grandmother’s house. Their platforms, so yes, it’s much easier to walk in. They come in crazy beautiful colors and wait until prime day July 11-12th, 2023 since they will most likely slash the prices. I got them for much less on a lightening sale. I think Grandma wanted me to be happy and BUY THE SHOES because life is too short and so was my grandmother.
Funny Follows Me 
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